I am a bargain-hunter, blighted by the need to pay the lowest possible price for anything I desire. It is a burden. On the unfortunate flipside of my affliction, I also have an irrepressible compulsion to buy anything simply...
Category - Observations
She had only bought the pig because the stain wouldn’t come out of the carpet. It was a bad stain, an ugly stain, and, in all truth, she was struggling to live with it. When anyone walked into the room, whether a man who had...
There is a cave. It is in a wood. One day a young boy went to the woods. He spotted a shiny penny in the undergrowth. He bent down, thrusting his hand eagerly into the leaves and twigs. It felt wet. It was wet. Wet from the urine...
Gary: It’s still moving, Jimmy. Jimmy: It’s not an it. Gary: Well, I don’t know its sex so I can’t say, ‘She’s still moving, she’s about to die’ Jimmy: You could just say what it is, ‘The crow is twitching...
Record shops are never busy; they are the domain of that rare oxymoronic creature, the cool-nerd. Each time the door opens in a record shop, it is an event; music escapes out into the world, a person gets sucked inside. On the...
I went to Teignmouth in Devon on holiday. I visited the pier and here is what I saw.
I’m working for a restaurant magazine this week. Here is an account of what I ate for lunch: Day 1 There is no canteen here. The only place that serves food in walking distance is a gargantuan leisure centre, home to a...
The journey lasts twenty-nine and a half steps. I wake. I don’t know if it is night or day. My tongue feels out ulcers and layers of staleness in my parched papyrus mouth. It tastes of, or maybe just is, rotting flesh. I drag...
Since July, my good friend Elliott has been attentively rearing two chickens in his garden. He built them a coop, christened them Betty and Leia, fed them, and even read Animal Farm to prepare for all eventualities. He has waited...
It’s been an interesting few weeks; big stretching weeks of dilemmas, minor disasters, and flirtations with decisiveness. My life seems to be at a crossroads: I am sat cross-legged inactive in the middle, letting the dust of a...